What Can't We See About You?

I don’t know how to best measure a life. But I do know that most of the ways we try and assess how we’re living up are dead wrong.

We live amongst culturally accepted, yet completely erroneous assessments of a life well lived. You probably know most of them well, because the judgements are all around us.

The number in someone’s bank account.
The value of someone’s home.
The title of their job or the name of their company.
The size of their biceps.
The number of followers.
The amount of views on their posts.
The revenue of someone’s business.
The stamps in their passport.
The aesthetic of their bedroom.
The brand of their shoes.

I mean I feel like I need to take a shower just listing these completely absurd ways society places value on a human life. I sorta want to jump out of my skin, mainly because I’m judging myself. If I’m not careful or conscious, I hold these same expectations for myself.

Smoke shows aren’t necessarily big hearted. Rich people aren’t necessarily hard-working. People with status aren’t necessarily generous.

And yet we decide that based on these vanity metrics alone, we should measure ourselves up to people who we think meet these metrics. We decide how we feel about ourselves based on where we stand in relationship to a bunch of sh*t that really and truly couldn’t matter less.

That’s not the measure of a good life. You know what often is? All the things we can’t see.

Nobody saw the muffin you paid for anonymously, helping the woman who forgot her purse.

We can’t see how much you laughed with your friends. Or how many hugs you gave to the little ones. Or the face licks from your pup.

Nobody knows about the scholarship you funded so someone could grow their skills. Or the way you spoke up to leadership when you saw something you shouldn’t.
And we can’t see the smiles you gift to strangers when you pass by. The wisdom and confidence you impart on the young kids in your neighborhood. The trash you pick up every morning on your street. The cheerful texts you sent to a friend having a hard day.

The things we should be measuring ourselves with aren’t obvious. They will most times go unnoticed. And they’re literally the entire point.

So the next time you feel the pressure of “standards for a good life”, push back. Don’t accept it. Pause and ask if that’s what really matters, or what really matters to you. Because in the moments that nobody sees, we often see ourselves.

Woman on xx