Recovering Perfectionists Should Read This

We love a work-hard story. 

Hustle hustle hustle. Hustle some more. Get it right. Get it perfect. Get it. 

Hard work is hard. Hard work is important. I respect the shit out people who work their butts off. The people in my family and most of the women I call dearest friends…they’re some of the hardest workers I know. Anytime I’m annoyed with how much I’ve chosen to do, I think about the people around me putting in the time. The sweat. The labor. And then I get back to doing what I was doing. 

Now perfectionism is a different beast than hard work. She sometimes masquerades as a good work ethic, but she’s something else altogether. Brene Brown would call perfectionism “a 20-ton shield. It's a way of thinking that says: “If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, I can avoid or minimize criticism and blame.”

Anyone who’s a recovering perfectionist knows just how spot on that definition is. 

When you’re willing to work hard and you want to get something perfect, suddenly the plans you have for yourself become harder to attain. Why? Well, because when perfectionism and hard-work collide, it creates traffic. Lots and lots of traffic. What should have been a 15-minute ride from Point A to Point B somehow ends up taking over two hours. 

I’ve worked with enough writers to see this in real time. There are women who are out there on their book tours who took an idea and ran with it. And there are women who, in that same amount of time, are still toiling on their book proposals. They’re very far out from having a book in the hands of readers, because it needs to be perfect. And they’re willing to put in the work rewriting every line, every chapter, every outline, in order to get it there. But yet they’re still not there. And they won’t be for quite some time. Because they can’t move forward.

It’s why I tell aspiring authors not to work on their actual book proposal draft for more than a quarter. Sure, you might need to spend months working on the size of your platform. And yes, you will likely spend months getting feedback on your proposal and editing it to win. But those are all things that would still need to happen even if you worked 9 months on your book proposal. 

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When you’re willing to work hard, and you want it perfect…you could be working on something forever and ever. And ever.

When I reflect on the successes I’ve had in life, it’s because I was willing to put…shit…out..there. And I use “shit” really purposefully. Oftentimes it was literally so shitty (yall. I once wrote a blog post in 2012 titled, “what a cinnamon roll can teach you about life”. And pressed publish). But you know what happens by taking something to market? You get feedback. You get to recalibrate. You get to learn what it is you’re even doing. You get a chance at winning the lotto because you at least purchased a ticket. 

Feedback helps you leapfrog. But if you just keep working hard, hoping something will be perfect, you never get that feedback because you won’t just hand it over. 

You’ve got to hand it over. The things you’re thinking about. Whatever it is you’re creating. The dreams you have or the vision that keeps you up at night. Do something about it.

It’s vulnerable. Yes, yes it is. But there’s no rejection that will break you. Instead, it’s likely to make you. Make you better. Make you move. Make you adjust. Make you stronger. It can make you into the person, the creation, the product, the project that you’ll eventually become. 

Quit perfecting things in the dark. Walk them out into the wide-open sunshine.

Your business ideas. Your book dreams. Your sketches. Your what ifs. Your “crazy ideas”. They’ll never be perfect. There will never be a good time. Working hard until it’s perfect actually won’t keep you from failing or from criticism. It’ll just keep you from getting where you want to be.