2023 is My Year of Nothing

Deprioritizing achievement is old news. We’ve been on this journey for a while. It started (for me) around the time I wrote You’re Not Lost. Ironically, the lesson got an extra seal of “listen up, woman” shortly after my publication date (a lifelong achievement). What you attain will not elevate who you are. I got that in ways I hadn’t gotten that prior to my book tour.

At some point in early 2022, I decided I wanted my work to be the least interesting thing about me. A confluence of experiences led to that realization, but it mainly came down to the desire to live an incredibly full and dynamic life. No one’s writing about my word count in an obituary. I want a life that prioritizes feeling like the highest expression of myself instead of any one single achievement. I know my work is interesting (and I find it endlessly interesting myself!) AND…I wanted to impress myself with more than book deals. 

Instead, I impressed myself with the ways I grew. The boundaries I upheld. The messes I got myself in and yet could still laugh. The ways I could be vulnerable. The mistakes I’d made because at least I was trying. The times I showed up. Net, net: I did a pretty rock solid job last year of being interesting to myself by getting super interested in other shit. I loved 2022 for how stable I felt at home in my own company compared to the turmoil and heartbreak of the year before.

On a recent road trip, I passed the miles with a phone-a-thon. If you’re a contact in my phone I hundo p tried to call you. I caught up with girlfriends, scream-shouting at the speaker, obvi because who can use a car’s bluetooth speaker in a normal tone of voice? During those phone calls we reflected on just how lovely the last year was, albeit very very full. At some point while desperately holding my pee without a rest area in sight, laughing with a bestie on the other side of the line, I gripped the steering wheel and shouted: Honestly?? 2023 is my year of nothing.

No goals. No plans. No timelines. No intentions. No defining “word”. No month-by-month steps. No ways to be better or get better. No focus. No finish line.

I want to hold onto nothing so my hands are free to catch it all. I want a loose grip, just me. Clear the plate. Let go. Untether. Delete them. Block out so there’s nothing but wide-open heart space. For me to show up full for life, for myself and for the ones I love who show me that good love back. 

I know that if I live in my values and stick with myself every step of the way, so much more will materialize as a result. More than I could ever imagine by desperately trying to hold on. I’m showing up as a woman I’m proud of this year >> not because of what I checked off a list but because of how I felt and how I made others feel. 

That’s the kind of year of nothing I’m looking for: one full of feelings that are impossible to define versus things I can easily point to. A year spent in the void of the unknown so I welcome all that makes itself known to me.

I’m planning on nothing so I have space for everything. Maybe you can give yourself permission to do the same. 

Woman on xx