Insights Don't Guarantee Growth

Self awareness is a beautiful thing, but it’s not enough. 

Oops. I said it. 

Think about all the times you’ve had an amazing, insightful conversation with someone about a situation in their life…and you think wow they really get it…and then they walk out that door and do the same shit they’ve been doing since you’ve known them. 

I’ve been this person. We all have. 

My coming of age happened smack dab in the self-help vortex. I mean The Secret was one of my favorite books (don’t judge). If you wanted to talk self-reflection, self-help, emotions, relationships, life…I was (and am) still your girl. I love that stuff. 

Because to know ourselves and to see ourselves clearly is a power move. It’s life altering. It provides us the information to change and the guidance to grow. Whether you get that information through books or podcasts or therapy or insightful girlfriends, that self awareness is a treasure. 

But it doesn’t guarantee growth. 

When we have huge lightbulb moments, we expect that the major insight is going to change everything for us. It will transform our life, that insight. WE FINALLY GET IT. We get why we do x/y/z. We get what we want in the future now. We get where that pattern started and why. We get the dynamic going on and why we react the way that we do. 

It feels huge, that understanding. 

But it could be even bigger if we stopped hiding behind those ahas. 

What do I mean? Well, let’s say you did some nutritional testing and realized that you and sugar do not get along. It makes you groggy and sluggish and keeps weight on and spikes some of your more anxious thinking. So, you take sugar out of your system for a week or two (rough) and everything feels different. Better. But one big night out later and you’re back to a day-to-day diet of more sugar, more moods, and more lethargy.

Or the person who can tell you every single amazing thing they’ve ever learned in therapy. But the clock is ticking over here, it’s been years, and they are no better off than when they started. Because while they know themselves, “I realized with my therapist” is a cloak for real growth. Change still eludes them. Their life is still…mainly the same.  [big fan of the power of therapy ftr] 

The insight can only get you so far. You can know the thing but ultimately you have to do the thing, and stick with it. We have to do things differently in order to get different outcomes. Just knowing isn’t enough. Just thinking isn’t enough. We’ve got to use those insights to make just one single choice differently if we want to grow. 

In You’re Not Lost the question I give readers is: what’s the absolute smallest thing I can do about this [insight] right now?

You’d be amazed at how small decisions add up to major change. They open up future doors that you never knew were there.

Not to be overly dramatic (but OK I sorta sometimes love being overly dramatic) but we have to watch out for people – and this includes ourselves – who are VERY good about talking about the growth, the insights, the understanding, the awareness, the WORDS…but don’t do anything differently. It’s sneaky!! Albeit not at all sinister. I’ve been in relationships with these people. I’ve been this person. It can get really confusing and leads to so much “stuckness”. Like you’re living through groundhog day over and over. 

Action is what we need. Not a one-time deal, but a life-time commitment to doing something about the saying of something. 

So, I’d encourage you to think about what insight you’ve had about yourself, a situation, a person you love…and have you done anything about it? Have you made a small plan, have you taken a step forward, have you had a hard conversation, have you changed how you do something? 

Today is a really good day to step out from behind your aha moment and get to work. I’ll be right there with you. 

Woman on xx