How Will I Know? Well, Try Asking This One Question

But how will I know? We struggle with this question. We wrestle with the answers. We wonder what the doubt means. We look for how other people have handled it and if their situation applies to us. We go round and round and round in our heads and our hearts just trying, desperately trying, to know.

We ask if we're in the right thing. If we did the right thing. If it's supposed to feel like this. Are we going in the right direction? Are we doing the right work? Are we with the right people? How will I know??

Knowing is only hard when you're looking outside of yourself. Because the only person who can actually answer that is you. Oof, I hate writing this reality as much as you’re probably hating reading it because I loveeeee to look to other people, books, experts and – well anyone – really in order to “know”.

If you DO ask anyone else, you'll probably get two different variations of relatively unhelpful (while well-intended) advice. Those you're asking will tell you:

1. a) you'll just know (and you might)
2. b) you'll never know (and you might not)

Here's the truth. You may know. Or you may never know. But this one painfully, simple question will help:

Are you compromising your sense of self?

Is the job you're working costing you…Is the person you love costing you…Is the friend you're keeping around costing you …Is the choice you're making costing you.

Your sense of self must be protected. Nothing is worth that tax on your worthiness.

You might be wondering...how do I know if it's costing me my sense of self? Well, because your spirit is taking a hit. Because you don't feel powerful. You can make compromises and still be fully you. You can make sacrifices and still be whole. You can do things for others and still feel the might of your own power.

But when that power waivers, so too does your spirit. So too does your light. So too does your strength. So too does your hope. So too does your belief. In yourself.

Want to know what brings that sense of self back, almost immediately, or at least puts you on the right track of getting there? Asking the question, am I compromising my sense of self? And then owning the answer. Stepping, decisively, away from the situation that is costing you parts of yourself. That single choice, while often not easy, not comfortable, and not fun in any way, will immediately bring your light back. There’s peace in whatever grief shows up in walking away. No matter what heartbreak you feel from the choice, your power returning is a sweet antidote to the pain. 

So if you want to know, how will I know? Well, you'll know because if it's supporting your fully expressed self, expanding it, and encouraging that wildly powerful human that you are...then it's right. You can settle in the knowing. If it's costing you too much in order to be in it, you'll also know...that it's not right.

You know. You know. You know. You always have. And you always will.

Woman on xx